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I suppose it was envitable that I write this as it has been on my mind a lot for the last few days.

The last week or so has been, not terrible, but upsetting.
I do and don’t want to cry about it.

This week has proven to me once again, that I haven’t got any ‘true’ friends around me.

They use me for whatever they need me for and then push me away if I do not feel well.
A couple of times this week, I have been shaking. Not from the cold, not from any tablets (I don’t take anything), but it’s either something wrong with me or I am identifying anxiety…

I feel flustered and shook to a point where there is a sense of panic in my voice when I speak to others. It’s not from stress but it is thinking about what it is happening around me.

This isn’t supposed to be a soppy post and I am not looking for any sympthany. I just want to know where I have gone wrong and what I can do to improve myself.

I just feel that I am stuck in a loop of having a good couple of friends and then ending up having none by the end of the month.

I lost a couple of friends this month due to actions that didn’t involve me, but I was warned against them. I tried to talk with them, but they didn’t want to know at all.

What am I suppose to do? I have no friends, no sign of any girlfriend and I feel that I am taking 2 steps back and then 1 step forward with everything that I have built up in the last couple of years since moving to Carlow.

But I don’t know, I honestly do not know anymore about what I am suppose to be doing.

If I say anything, I feel that I could be saying the wrong thing and then that will push me away from those friends.

I don’t want to lose anybody else….I am hanging on by a thread.

I look at my phone, waiting for a WhatsApp or a Facebook message, but it sits there in silence waiting for me to interact….

On the flip side, I can’t initiate conversation with people. It feels weird for me to call/text people and ask them how they are.


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Taking a step back from online stuff

Over the last 9 years, I have been involving myself with a community that I have been trying to build but as of Summer 2017, I have decided to shut it down as it was getting to be too much of a chore to handle and it really wasn’t benefiting me.

Since then, I have been slowly winding down operations and I have decide to focus on myself. I covered in that in my post It’s all about me!

Since then, I have decided to look at stuff that want to do. More blogging (not just here but on and focus on doing what I enjoy…Play video games.

The last couple of years of working on Nologam/Enigma have seen me fade away from doing something that I created the community for in the first place…gaming.

So since I have stopped, I am playing more Final Fantasy XIV and I am looking to start doing streams every so often. Just so I can relax…It seems like a good time of year to do that..

I will still be around doing bits and pieces online and I will let you know if I have anything exciting coming up 🙂

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It’s all about me!

First and foremost, the blog post relating to my trip to NYC will be available in drips and drabs over the next week or two!

Before I left for NYC, I decided to make a big decision on the future of my gaming community Enigma (Formerly Nologam) and that was to shut it down.

I have attempting to build a gaming community over the last 9 years and to this day, I have not been successful. After staying up for multiple nights and working on it, I felt that me continuing something that I didn’t have a passion for was….a waste on my physical and mental health.

So I decided to stop. Then today, I decided to look at what sites I was running and make some changes which is manageable and don’t require an absurd amount of time to maintain. will be staying as my main blog and there is no plans to change that! is going to get a rebrand and will become – More news on that over on in the coming days/weeks.

As Enigma/Nologam has now been closed down, I have set up my own Discord server so people can keep in touch with me. If you wish to join, go to

I may create something new in the future, but for now:

“It’s all about me”

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Yesterday I turned the grand old age of 26!

The last year has been a very busy one with me doing more of what love.

I attended my first gaming conference (ehhh…we can probably skip that), I also attended my first tech conference, and I attended my first WWE event.
I have also passed my drivers theory test and will be getting lessons very soon!
And I have been losing weight as well.

To celebrate me turning 26, I will also be taking a international trip to New York City next week! My first ‘proper’ holiday since 2008.

And it got me thinking, I am so fecking lucky that I can do this.
I am lucky that I am able to go away on a holiday with friends, learning how to drive a car, going to all these events DESPITE some negativity I had throughout the year.

What about my online presence? 

I have been blogging about wrestling now on a dedicated site away from my personal stuff because some people may not care for the wrestling content and that is fine.

My gaming community Nologam has been rebranded to Enigma. While it has been quiet since the rebrand, I am planning something big for 2018. More details on the blog later in the year.

As I now enter my 26th year, what I done last year was just the tip of the iceberg and I will do more going forward!


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Attending WordCamp Dublin 2017!

Hey everyone!

Just a quick note to let you all know that I will be in Dublin next weekend (October 14th & 15th) for WordCamp Dublin 2017!
It is the first WordCamp conference to be held in Dublin.

If you are in the area on Friday evening or attending on Saturday, find me (I should be wearing my Blacknight hoodie 😉 ) and we can have a chat (and a coffee if yer into that type of thing haha)

I don’t know what to expect from this, but I know that it is going to be fun!

Updates will be provided on my Twitter at 🙂

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First Day at the Gym later today! [UPDATE]

To say that I will be scared for my life would be an understatement.

For the first time in about 10 years, I am joining the local Gym to try and shed some pounds off me.

I blogged about this in my previous post here where I said that I am going to make some changes.

UPDATE: Went to the Gym and I sweat A LOT! Like so much I thought I was having a shower while exercising. Oh well. Back to it on Friday! 😀

Image: Brad Neathery

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New Month, New Starts and New Things to learn!

Today is September 1st and over the last few days, I have begun a journey that see big changes for me over the next coming months and possibly even years!

First of all, I’m FAT!

I have decided to join WeightWatchers as of yesterday and I have a big goal in mind… Time to get back into it again!!

Also, I am now PROPERLY learning how to drive!

I have been putting it on the long finger since I was 17 (I’m now 25) and it’s time for me to start driving. My theory test is at the end of the month, and this time I AM DOING IT!

No excuses!

While there isn’t many goals, this is the start of something even bigger!

Let’s see what the next few months have got in store for me! 🙂

(Image from Unsplash)

life personal

LEGO Star Wars R1: Krennic’s Imperial Shuttle

Last night, I built a LEGO set (75156) and here is pics after each bag!

Bag 1
Bag One
Bag 2
Bag Two
Bag 3
Bag Three
Bag 4
Bag Four
Bag 5
Bag Five
Bag 6
Bag Six
Bag 7
Bag Seven (Opened)
Bag 7
Bag Seven (Closed)

life personal Uncategorized

Thoughts and Feelings over the past while

(There will be some negativity and whining…If you are not into that, please leave)

The past while for me has been a bit of as bumpy one. Ever since I moved to Carlow, I haven’t feeling myself.

I have gained a tonne of weight, feeling lonely and in some cases depressed.
First of all, I have started to feel homesick. Yes, I get to go home to my parents ever 4 – 6 weeks, but I cannot be relying on seeing my family to combat the loneliness (Not that I have a problem seeing them or anything)

I have been feeling like this more-so in the past say, 6 months but in recent weeks, it has started to affect me and it’s getting to me more than what it should.

When I come home in the evenings, I wouldn’t see anyone physically. Obviously that is down to be and the complete lack to be social. Yes, I get to talk to my friends on TeamSpeak but that is how far it goes. The only people that I would see on a daily basis is my colleagues at work.

I have started to live with it, because who the hell would want to go out with me or even be friends with.
There is that ONE friend that you always talk to on Facebook Messenger, WhatsApp or whatever, right? Nope. Not me. I could easily go a day without looking at my phone and go back to it and no one has messaged me.

I do make initial contact, I have gotten better at it in recent months, but then it turns out that they do not want to talk to me at all, which can be dis-heartening.

So as I sit here on a Friday night after a long day of work, it would have been nice to play some games or just have some fun, with friends, but it looks like I have to occupy myself by blogging and drinking cider.

There is people that I care about, a lot…but they obviously don’t have the same feelings for me and in some cases, they despise me.

What am I doing to improve this? Taking my mind off everything.
Listening to more music, watching more TV, reading books (which I have hardly done in my life) and playing some games here and there.

I want to be happy, but I know it is only going to get worse, before it get’s better and that is the cold hard truth.

Oh well.