Thoughts and Feelings over the past while
(There will be some negativity and whining…If you are not into that, please leave)
The past while for me has been a bit of as bumpy one. Ever since I moved to Carlow, I haven’t feeling myself.
I have gained a tonne of weight, feeling lonely and in some cases depressed.
First of all, I have started to feel homesick. Yes, I get to go home to my parents ever 4 – 6 weeks, but I cannot be relying on seeing my family to combat the loneliness (Not that I have a problem seeing them or anything)
I have been feeling like this more-so in the past say, 6 months but in recent weeks, it has started to affect me and it’s getting to me more than what it should.
When I come home in the evenings, I wouldn’t see anyone physically. Obviously that is down to be and the complete lack to be social. Yes, I get to talk to my friends on TeamSpeak but that is how far it goes. The only people that I would see on a daily basis is my colleagues at work.
I have started to live with it, because who the hell would want to go out with me or even be friends with.
There is that ONE friend that you always talk to on Facebook Messenger, WhatsApp or whatever, right? Nope. Not me. I could easily go a day without looking at my phone and go back to it and no one has messaged me.
I do make initial contact, I have gotten better at it in recent months, but then it turns out that they do not want to talk to me at all, which can be dis-heartening.
So as I sit here on a Friday night after a long day of work, it would have been nice to play some games or just have some fun, with friends, but it looks like I have to occupy myself by blogging and drinking cider.
There is people that I care about, a lot…but they obviously don’t have the same feelings for me and in some cases, they despise me.
What am I doing to improve this? Taking my mind off everything.
Listening to more music, watching more TV, reading books (which I have hardly done in my life) and playing some games here and there.
I want to be happy, but I know it is only going to get worse, before it get’s better and that is the cold hard truth.